Why, Liquor of Life?

The Bard addresses whiskey --
Why, liquor of life! do I love you so
When in all our encounters you lay me low?
More stupid and senseless I every day grow
What a hint! --- if I’d mend by the warning
Tatter’d and torn you’ve left my coat
I’ve not a cravat to save my throat
Yet I pardon you all my sparkling doat
If you’d cheer me again in the morning

Whiskey replies ---
When you’ve heard prayers on Sunday next
With a sermon besides, or at least --- the text
Come down to the alehouse---however you’re vexed
And though thousands of cares assault you
You’ll find tippling there---till morals mend
A cock shall be placed in the barrel’s end
The jar shall be near you, and I’ll be your friend
And give you a ‘Cead Mile Failte.’

The Bard resumes his address ---
Come, vein of my heart! then come in haste
You’re like Ambrosia, my liquor and feast
My forefathers all had the very same taste
For the genuine dew of the mountain
Oh! Usquebaugh! I love its kiss
My guardian spirit, I think it is
Had my christening bowl been filled with this
I’d have swallowed it---were it a fountain

Manys the quarrel and fight we’ve had
And many a time you made me mad
But while I’ve a heart---it can never be sad
When you smile at me full on the table
Surely you are my wife and brother
My only child---my father and mother
My outside coat---I have no other
Oh! I’ll stand by you---while I am able